Source: via Lou on Pinterest

Sometimes I feel like life is moving at such a speed I am forgetting who and what I am.

Take yesterday for example, we have been busy busy, packing in so much trying to keep the boys entertained.  They have developed an annoying whine.  They irritate the hell out of me, Dan and each other!  So we have taken to getting out of the house as soon as possible before this whine starts and I start shouting.
It's been exhausting.
Yesterday we were having a picnic at a nearby lake.  The boys ran round and around the food in circles and generally annoyed the hell out of us.  I managed to breathe through it.  
In a short while they were rolling around on the grass entertaining themselves giggling.
I looked over at Dan and became quite emotional.

Jesus!  I this our life?  {don't get me wrong it could be a whole lot worse I know}.
We have been so caught up in parenting in what seems like forever, I have totally forgotten who I am.  Who Dan is. 

We have just been on auto pilot, dealing with the tantrums, whining and difficult kids for so long it's become normal!

I had forgotten that we are just two people who fell in love.  Hung around for a bit.  Decided we liked it - alot.
And then made the step of wanting to become more than just us two, and for us to become 3.  And then 4!
But this wouldn't have happened if we hadn't had found each other... he liking me and I him.
And who was I who he thought was awesome?
It seems so far removed from who I am now.

I was funny, cute, danced bare foot, climbed trees, drank too much, rode a bike with flowers planted in it's shopping basket.  I danced to drum and bass.  Smoked rollies.  Ate not enough.  Had long hair.  Wore lots of skirts. Had brown skin.  Partied alot. Had mad friends. Went to India and left him! {I did come back to him - obviously!}  I was cool and carefree.

He was his own man, cool and interesting. He just wanted to talk to me.  Told me interesting stories about the universe, planets, plants and science.  He rode bikes, he loves bikes!  He was cute, quiet and funny. Smoked a lot of rollies.  Drank real ale. Wore cool t-shirts. Danced crazy. And laughed alot!

Now?  Huh?  Of course he is still all of these things, but he is a DAD now and that takes over.  You know what I mean?

Don't get me wrong, I don't particularly want to be that girl anymore, I am in a whole new decade and a whole different life.  I just want to remember, remember the essence of me, of us as that crazy couple.

Remember why we decided to have children.  Why I fell in love and he in love with me.  Remember who I was before 'they' came along, and why they are who they are - because they are a bit of me and a bit of Dan.  Loud, spontaneous, a bit bonkers and ALOT annoying!

I still am like that girl back then in many ways, I just have a whole heap of responsibility thrown in with it.  But it's all good. And we will get over all of this behaviour, I say this with my fingers firmly crossed.

Because I love them and they love me - we are all one of the same.

p.s. as I write this Charlie is wearing his winter coat backwards, with the hood over it head pretending to be a ghost.  The smell of the jasmine in the garden is wafting through the window.  Dan is reading to Rufus in bed..... life is restored, it's all good - repeat to fade.

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